I’ve heard a lot of backlash lately about social media and how it is destroying our society and our relationships.  In this business article the author addresses four areas where social media has negative effects: productivity, privacy, cyber-bullying, and a false sense of connection.  I’m not going to comment here on productivity or privacy – I’m specifically going to address personal relationships and how they are affected by social media.

In my life, the positive impacts of social media far outweigh the negatives.

First, we move a lot.  My husband and I lived most of our adult life so far in Europe.  I went to school in Colorado, and most of my family is on the East Coast.  My friends from high school moved all over the world.  Because of social media, I’ve been able to continue relationships with people I care about.  Some people have their friends in family all in one geographic location, but for me, I would never have been able to maintain my relationships with family and friends without social media.  In vastly different time zones, it’s not always feasible to call each other every day or fly to see someone.  If I have to choose between a virtual relationship with someone and none at all, I will of course choose the virtual one.

Second, social media helps to connect people with similar ideas.  I might have met someone only once, and then we become friends on Facebook.  I might not have known, for example, that this person also cares about animal rights.  As we share ideas on comment on each others’ posts, I learn a lot more about them and what they care about.  In a larger sense, this helps activists organize in a way that was never possible before.  We’re no longer just lonely individuals wishing something would change – there’s a forum for intelligent discussion of issues and a platform for organizing and taking action.

Most importantly to me, I think one issue that’s largely overlooked in this debate is that social media only seems like a deterrent to social life if you’re someone who already makes friends easily.  For me, as a teenager who had grown up being sexually abused and isolated, I felt extremely alone.  I spent most of my time alone in my room after school, and much of the time I was suicidal and engaging in self-destructive behaviors.  Without the internet to connect me to other people like me, I felt like I was completely alone in the world.  Now I am part of a network of abuse survivors online who can share their stories and support each other.  For people who are shy, dealing with difficult circumstances, or just feel like they’re different from the people around them and always the “weird one,” social media provides a way to connect with people all around the world who will support and accept them.

The big question is this: Is face to face interaction really all it’s cracked up to be?

When we are surrounded by a group of people, are we really our true selves?  Is this how we find people who truly can connect with us at a deep level?  I personally don’t think so.  Imagine being at a party, or being in class at school, or at your job.  We feel so pressured in that situation to fit in, not say anything weird, not bear our souls to anyone, that the likelihood of finding the people you could connect with at a deep level seems a lot smaller.  I’ve definitely met people at a crowded party or event, but didn’t really find out who they were as people until we connected on Facebook or Twitter.

Are we able to really be ourselves in an actual social situation?

When I was in high school, I bet a lot of kids looked at me as a pretty, talented girl who smiled a lot – no one realized how hard I was working to cover up my home life and my depression.   A little anonymity and a little distance may give us the courage to truly say what we mean and be ourselves – and finding other people like us only strengthens that.

Just like with any technology, people will be resistant to it.  Even if people may be uncomfortable with it, I think we just have to get used to way our relationships are changing.  For me, I’m so thankful to be alive at this time, and I can’t wait to see what’s coming next.

~Sing Truth to Power~

Noelle Picara